|dougiem ||Last Online: Today
| Location:||Richmond Kentucky
| Zip Code:||40475
| Age:||37, Pisces
| Height:||5 ft. 10 in.
| Hair, Eyes:||Dark Brown, Blue
| Education:||High School
| Income:||Didn't Say
| Smoke:||Don't Smoke
| Has Kids:||No
|Meet Me Free Wink Free Add Friend Add Favorite
|Chances are I already hate you so please don't bother contacting me. 99% of the people on this site are desperate losers who can't even form a coherent sentence. Unless you have an IQ over 110, which you probably don't since you're on this site, please leave me alone.
I probably hate you if:
- You don't know that "a lot" isn't one word.
- You don't know the difference between "your" and "you're."
- You don't know the difference between "they're," "there," and "their."
- You have a bunch of crappy tattoos.
- You're fat and claim to be proud of it.
- You're fat, complain about it, but do nothing to fix it.
- Your only interests are partying, shopping, dancing, or listening to music.
- You smoke cigarettes.
- You're a stoner.
- You're a dirty hippie.
- You bone on the first date.
- You're under 24 yet have more than one kid.
- You have kids with multiple dudes.
- You're obsessed with yoga.
- You're a vegan. (Just die already.)
- You send a first message that's one sentence long or less.
- You send replies that are one sentence long or less.
- Your way of initiating a conversation is by saying simply "hey" or "hi."
- You immediately try discussing sex.
- You're boring. (Which you probably are, no offense.)
- You draw your eyebrows on like a retard.
- You believe astrology is legit.
- You don't agree that "Step Brothers" is the funniest movie ever.
- You're a Jesus freak.
- You own more than one cat.
- You consider Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus to be good music. Eat a bullet.
- You have a crappy sense of humor.
- You take life too seriously.
- You don't drink at least occasionally.
- You add sparkles and other dumb crap to your photos.
- You refer to yourself as "a catch." Really?
- You type "ur" in place of "you are" or "your." Please kill yourself.
- Your profile simply reads, "just ask." Super lame.
- You have a cliché nautical star tattoo. Gee, how original.
- You think close-up shots of your eye(s) are sexy. They're not. They're creepy.
- Your name is "Amber" or "Brittany." Talk about dumb stripper names.
- You own a pit bull or rottweiler. I love dogs but... come on.
- Your idea of good comedy is Gabriel Iglesias or Dane Cook. Ugh.
- Your motto is, "live, laugh, love." How unique. (Sarcasm.)
- You're bipolar.
- You blame men for everything.
- You need constant attention, affirmation, and assurance.
- You're way too clingy.
- You're overjealous.
- Your name is Devlin Panos. (Known scam artist.)
- You liken yourself to a princess. (You're not, so get over it.)
- You're from the South. Offense intended.
- You think mirrored images of yourself are creative and cool. They're not.
- You don't bother reading a person's entire profile before messaging them.
I probably love you if:
- You're creative.
- You're intelligent.
- You're witty.
- You can play an instrument. The kazoo doesn't count.
- You can speak and/or write properly.
- You're a fan of quality cinema.
- You occasionally drink too much.
- You dig good sketch comedy like "UCB" or "The Kids in the Hall."
- You're passionate.
- You prefer dogs over cats.
- You agree that bands like "Maroon 5" suck.
- You're not religious.
- You agree "South Park" trounces "Family Guy."
- You don't smoke cigarettes and/or weed.
- You enjoy a horrible Christopher Walken impression.
- You're adventurous.
- You're spontaneous.
- You love animals.
- You appreciate a good board game.
- You can laugh at yourself.
- You're still reading this.
In summation: classy, intelligent women only. I'm not going to bring some giblet head with her name tattooed on her tit home to mom and pop. Call me picky all you want but I'm just not attracted to trash, sorry. That being said, personality goes a long way so if you've got it, let me see it! I'm willing to overlook almost anything if you can make me laugh and/or keep my interest.
A little about me: Originally from Maine but just moved to Kentucky since New England's a frozen wasteland half of the year. I currently have two children's books being published which is ironic considering I don't even like kids. In fact, I once had to write a letter of apology to a 10-year-old girl after causing her psychological damage by telling her she was gross and would never get a boyfriend. But, hey, she started it by calling me names first, that little crap stain. Don't dish it out if you can't take it, dammit.
I'm also working on a novel that should hopefully be done sometime this century. I play guitar, attempt to play piano, and occasionally wear cowboy hats when I drink. I'm far from your typical guy and could care less about sports, guns, cars, or hunting. I'd tell you more about myself but at this point I've basically stopped caring because most of you are useless meat sacks anyway.
Facebook and Twitter available upon request. I might give them to you if you don't suck.
|Want To Find:||A woman ages 18 to 30 to date
|acoustic guitar, animals, arizona, art, astronomy, atheism, atheist, brainiac, brainiacs, breaking bad, comedy, dogs, drawing, education, fitness, geeks, genius, goth, guitar, gym, hating Devlin Panos, humor, intelligence, law and order, misanthropy, movies, music, painting, photography, physics, piano, reading, religion, romance, sarcasm, science, science fiction, sci-fi, scrabble, sculpting, south park, stand-up, SVU, theology, violin, weightlifting, writing
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